Baby You're A Firework

I felt like this week, the brothers and I could post about our entertaining (for you, the audience) bad life choices (otherwise known as BLCs. Also note how in my introduction post I stated that my stories would usually be sans brothers, and here's story number 2, avec brothers (j'aime francais).

This story takes place either in the summer time (around 4th of July) or winter time (around New Years). I don't quite remember the time of year because it was well over 90 degrees out, which if you've ever been to Louisiana, doesn't indicate a season whatsoever. The only other indicator of time of year was that our cousins, Jermaine and Edjuan (aka Buddie) were present. So lets just go with summer.

So here we are in what I believe to be the summer of 93. I assume I was 7, so we'll go with that. Its 4th of July season, so we were allotted firecrackers to play with. Our amazing grandmother, aptly called Gramma, always took us to go shopping for firecrackers at a fireworks tent during a fireworks season. Because I was the youngest of the 6 of us, I kind of just admire the colors of the firecrackers' casing while I let the others decide on the selections.

I was very disconnected from the idea of the power of the firecrackers due to one reason: my Uncle Eddie Lee. At this age, everything to me was compared by age. If you were older, you were automatically harder, better, faster, stronger. So my Paw Paw was the baddest of them all, then my grandma, and so on. My uncle is 6'5, 300 some odd pounds, large bald black man. He looks like he can do some damage if needed. One thing he would do (or at least could do) with black cats (you know the ones, the 5 second fuse that caused a medium explosion that were black with white spots) is let them pop in his hand and be unharmed. He was also scared shitless of scary movies. So in my mind, because he was so afraid of scary movies, that means that firecrackers were basically child's play. This theory created by my 7 year old mind would prove to be very wrong.

The 6 of us (not going to lie, I don't remember if the oldest was there for this, but in this recap, he was there) made it back to Paw Paw and Gramma's house, and we were released to the backyard for fun with these tiny explosives. I was not old/brave enough to hold firecrackers and throw them before they popped, so I usually would place it on or around something, light the stem, then run like hell. Great plan, obviously. Well my brothers, cousins, and neighborhood friends were having a blast, and I was feeling a little left out.

I plotted my way into their cool graces and they decided that they would let me pop a more powerful firecracker. Now I spent some time searching for this particular tiny power packer, but my search came up short. It is a small cylinder, bigger than a black cat, with a green, thick stem. Or was it silver? Doesn't matter, what matters is that I was about to enter cooldom. I carefully plotted where I wanted the explosion to take place, and I finally made a choice; a bad life choice.

The backyard in which we were playing had about 7 or 8 run down, junk cars. It also had plum bushes, so you know, winning. I decided that one of the cars' backseat would be my target. It was an old black sedan, and it was time to make this car useful again. My brothers handed me the firecracker, I lit it, and tossed it into the backseat of the car. POW!!!!! It went off, loud as it could be, and filling the inside of the car with smoke. That did it, I was now officially cool. Thank you America, if you hadn't had a birthday, then this wouldn't have been made possible.

About 30 seconds past, and we realize that there is a fire going on inside of the car. An old blanket was in the car, and it got lit on fire from the explosion! Well my brothers, being older and wiser, sprang into action. Sprung? Over it. They took the blanket out, put out the fire, and saved the day. I mean seriously, what was I gonna do? I was obviously too cool to be dealing with an unwanted fire. However, I was scared half way out of my pee-wee mind. I thought I was going to be in so much trouble for setting ablaze this blanket inside this car. After my brothers put out the fire, I was done for the day. It was hawt, mosquitoes were amassed, and it was most likely my nap time (2 pm. Still is.). I go back to the house and find my overstuffed chair that I am accustomed to sleeping in, and go into deep, bear-like hibernation.

Disclaimer:I love my family and my upbringing and I wouldn't change anything about it other than the phone thing... Have you ever been awaken to a belt being applied to your legs in a fashion of punishment and anger? Because Gloria Girton had done just that. I had no idea why I was being hit with a belt, for I didn't know taking a nap was a crime. After my 10 second punishment (which was 9 seconds too long, Gramma don't play), I smelled something burning and it smelled BAD. My uncle then comes in through the front door and quickly yells "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!!?!". Oh I'm sorry, you guys must want to know my napping secret? Well the first thing you should do is get the itis... So confused, so I reply "I don't know what yall are talking about". He tells me to follow him, and I go to the back yard to find the source of the bad burning smell: a burning car. I bet you'll never guess which car was burning either. The fire was high, the smoke was black and toxic (and not the Britney Spears kind of toxic, but the bad kind of toxic), the pecan tree beside the car was being burned, there was concern, and my Paw Paw, Mr. Boy himself, was there with a hose, handling it because he was the business. He, like the rest of the adults, was not happy with my decision to become cool.

Listen blog world, I can't be held accountable for such actions. Now, obviously my brothers and cousins quickly blamed me for the incident. I picked the car, I threw in the firecracker, I set the blanket on fire, I took the nap; clearly all evidence is tainted with my actions. But, lets be honest, I was 7, and somewhere in Andre's 16 year old mind, or the others 10-12 year old minds, that this was a bad idea. Not my fault you don't let me play in your reindeer games and I had to prove myself. Which, after the fire happened, I was demoted back to my previous status.

I don't know why I was demoted, car explosions were totally in. ~!Antoine!~

EDIT: While I was sleeping

I woke up this morning (May 3rd, 2011), proud of my storytelling abilities, only to start thinking: What happened while I was sleeping? I could only imagine. So here is my made up story of what happened while I was asleep (Family, please feel free to fill me in on the secret).

So obviously with me being gone, Wash had to turn into the errand boy. Now I could only assume that after the blanket was so bravely put out, that it still had embers that ignited the car seat. It was hawt out, and I could imagine the car being greenhoused into dryness, so that would make sense. However, I choose to believe that my brothers and cousins decided that popping firecrackers in the car was a great idea and continued to do it. Until finally the car ignited.

Now with the car fire starting to pick up energy, I have to assume that either Marieaux and his big headed geniusness, or Andre with his bag o' pass the blames, quickly decided to state that it was Boobie who started the car fire. With this decision made, it was time to get the adults. I can only imagine Paw Paw was too, taking his 2 pm nap, so my brothers sent Wash to fetch Uncle Eddie Lee. I can also imagine, that my Uncle Eddie Lee had no idea what to do and fetched Mr. Boy himself. Of course Gramma and her motherly intuition just knew something was going on with the kids, so she made it outside along with Paw Paw and Uncle Eddie Lee.

Now this next part is where I believe I have the most accurate of information. My great-grandfather was a man of few words; his actions spoke for him. So clearly he did not give a f*** how the car was set to flames, he just saw a car set to flames and it needed to be put out. My grandmother, had to be the one to ask the question: "WHAT HAPPENED, ARE YALL HURT? WHO DID THIS!?!?!?!!" Obviously, Andre being the oldest and most credible of those with the information became the spokesperson and stated "Boobie threw a firecracker in the car, and it caught on fire!" Since I was not there, Gramma clearly asked "Where is he, hell?!" And I can imagine Wash saying "sleeping in that chair in the front". Okay cool, all information was gathered to formulate a plan, so I can imagine Paw Paw stating "Alright, Eddie, you help me with this fire. Glory, you go in there and beat that boy". They probably did one of those football breaks and hustled to their positions and did their jobs. I can also see Uncle Eddie Lee being bad at his job, which is why he left the backyard to come get me to see the damage I had done.

Yeah...that's how it happened.