There Are No White People In That Bathroom

For someone who doesn't drink, I often find myself in unique situations with those who do drink; and have just finished doing so. They say to never look a gift horse in the mouth .

While in undergrad, I had a friend who I would see often, but she rarely left her house; Danielle. Later on in our college career she would be more apt to go out with other friends, but at this point in time it was not the case. She lived with her then boyfriend Calvin, and so often they would spend time together or take trips back to their hometown on weekends. Alright enough of the back story

February of sophomore year, Calvin turns 21 and wants to go to the casino on the night of his birthday. This was fine with Danielle; except she was only 20 and could not go with him. She is telling me this information and I exclaim "WE SHOULD GO OUT!" Typically, this yields a negative response, but for some reason she said yes. Oh by the way, my nights are typically belligerent so you may want to prepare yourself.

I'm very excited about going out with Danielle for the first time. We decided to go to the gay bar to make Calvin more comfortable (she is a very gorgeous girl, and he was very jealous, so a gay bar seemed like the logical choice to keep him worry-free). I decided that I should invite my good friend Bethany to come along with us. Bethany was no stranger to the gay bar and because I spent so much time with her, I felt that it would make the night more interesting for Danielle. We all make plans and we execute.

I go to Danielle's house first to tell Calvin happy birthday and to have fun at the casino, and to pick up Danielle. She had been drinking white zin to calm her nerves; this is the beginning. We leave to go pick up Bethany and her friend AJ. When we get to Bethany's place, I was shocked at what I saw:

Me: Bethany, why are you dressed like a dude?
Bethany: I wanted to go butch tonight and see how I like it
Me: Seriously? Ummmm....

I just accepted it. Bethany, too, is a gorgeous girl. (Insert PC statement that doesn't make me look like a chauvinist over my friend's decision to dress masculine here) She was still pretty.

Bethany and AJ get in the car, and instantly pulls out a flask. Really? I had no idea what was in the flask, other than hard alcohol. Bethany takes the first shot, then AJ, then they pass it to Danielle. I guess Danielle was more nervous than I thought because she took a long drink. I remember watching this happen then hearing Bethany in the back exclaim "Damn, I guess we need another one". She pulls out a second one. Really?

We drive to the bar, which is only a mile down the street, and park. We go in, Bethany and AJ split from us, and Danielle and I go to the dance floor. Within 10 minutes of being there, somehow, Danielle makes a friend; with a straight guy. She would. Other than the fact that he was at a gay bar to scheme on girls, he was actually a pretty cool guy. We played pool, and he bought Danielle drinks the entire night. Shwasted.

2 a.m. rolled around and it was time to leave. The straight guy and his two lesbian pals escort us out to the parking lot. The lesbians are begging us to go with them and to get the guy's number, as Danielle did a poor job of telling them of her relationship status. Friends don't let friends in relationships get drunk and meet people who are interested in them. They finally got the hint that she didn't want to go with them, and got one of the lesbian's number instead; a seemingly good decision.

Bethany and AJ finally show up so we can leave, and they too are shwasted. Bethany leans on me and speaks:

Bethany: Aaannntoooine...
Me: Yes babe?
Bethany: I'm gonna take AJ to IHOP.
Me: Really? How are you gonna take AJ to IHOP? You didn't drive and if you did, you can't drive now.
Stares at me for 37 seconds.
Bethany: Antoine?
Me: Yes babe?
Bethany: Can you drive me to IHOP so I can take AJ to IHOP?

Bethany and all of her poeticisms. She is actually a very good poet and lyricist, just not now.

I ask Danielle if she would like to go to IHOP, and she has to call Calvin first to alert him to this decision. He gives the okay, and we all hop in the Probe and head to IHOP. We get there and we are awarded prompt seating. Me being a fat kid, already knew what I wanted to order, and within 5 minutes of being there, our orders are taken and drinks are served. IHOP was really on their game this night.

I'm sitting beside Danielle as she talks on the phone with Calvin. At this point he was trying to tell her about his experience at the casino, which unbeknownst to him, she was too drunk to receive anything but bacon. She's sitting there, with the phone to her ear, and all of the sudden you hear her say "Hold on Calvin, I need to throw up". She said it so nonchalantly and with grace. She puts the phone down on the table, and she walks to the bathroom.

No one else at the table thinks anything of what just transpired, and continue with our conversations. Food arrives shortly after, and we begin to eat, while Danielle is in the bathroom. While eating, I get a phone call; its Calvin:

Me:Hello sir
Calvin: Hey man, is Danielle alright?
Me: Yeah dude, she's fine, she's in the bathroom.
Calvin: Still?
Me: Yeah...oh I guess its been like 15 minutes, I'll send Bethany to go get her, then she'll call you when she gets out. Cool?

So I ask Bethany, who has finished her plate of food already, to fetch Danielle for me. She agrees stating that she has to go to the bathroom anyway, and prances to the bathroom. As this is happening, I'm eying Danielle's untouched food and having a conversation with AJ about the night's happenings. While we were talking, I get another phone call from Calvin:

Me: Hello good sir
Calvin: Has Danielle come out of the bathroom yet?
Me: Nope, but don't worry Bethany is in there with her
Calvin: When did she go get her?
Me: Yeah...I guess its been like 15 minutes, but I'm sure they're okay, she'll call when she gets out my friend.

Even though Danielle had been in the bathroom for 30 minutes, it had not dawned on me that she maybe needed attention. Bethany was in there, so she was fine, right?

45 minutes after this whole ordeal began, Calvin shows up at IHOP. We were seated next to the entrance so he spotted me right away. I was oblivious to the time and was a bit perplexed to see Calvin there. He wasn't getting the information he wanted, and clearly couldn't sleep until he knew Danielle would be home safely. Sir, I am an excellent babysitter thank you.

I accompany him to the bathroom area, and unsure as to how we would approach the situation of men going into the girl's bathroom, our answer came out of the door. Bethany walks out, with 4 other girls she met in the bathroom:

Bethany: Hey baby! Look at all these FRIENDS I made in the bathroom.
Calvin: Is Danielle in there?
Bethany: Danielle? Who is Danielle?
Me: Bethany, what were you doing in the bathroom this whole time haha? Danielle is the girl we were with that I asked you to go get for me remember?
Bethany: OH! HER! No, there are NO white people in that bathroom.

Great. Freak out in 3...2...1...

So Calvin busts through the door to search for his girlfriend. He steps foot into the bathroom then hears "I'm right here". How cute, Danielle took a nap sitting on the toilet. She comes out of the stall, then stumbles into Calvin's arms. Calvin states that they're going to leave, and so I get a box for her food and they go on their merry way. I pay for all the food and take Bethany and AJ back to their places and go to bed.

Bethany seemed to always have a memory lapse when it comes to that night and Danielle in general, because she never remembered meeting Danielle any of the 5 times they hung out afterward. Oh well, that night was eventful to say the least.

I should've ate Danielle's food. ~!Antoine!~